A scare and a wardrobe malfunction.

I have a slightly embarrassing story to share. It’s also pretty funny (now that I’m almost twenty-four hours past the event I can kind of start to laugh at myself).

Okay, here’s a little back story first.

I’ve lived in Iowa for almost four years now. The number of friends that I’ve made in my area during the time I’ve been here I can basically count on one hand. Meeting people is scary, okay?

Anyway, I recently became friends with a lady close to my age that lives in the next little town over from mine. She’s hilarious and we get along fantastically. Her husband is also hilarious and I’m pretty sure he lives to find ways to make me either blush or want to smack him. He’s the oldest of eleven children. Yes. Eleven. I just can’t even comprehend having that many kids.

So last night I went over to their house to hang out for a little bit. It was dark and they don’t have very good lighting outside… so I was using the flashlight app that I have on my smartphone. I assumed that both DS and H were inside their house as I made my way through their yard to the house.

I assumed wrong.

H was outside when I pulled up (I have no idea how I didn’t see him) and decided that it would be fun to try to scare me. As I was walking toward the house, he JUMPED OUT OF THE DARKNESS and yelled. I screamed (and probably woke the whole block) and spun around to try to figure out where the “bad guy” was. You see, I can’t hear in my left ear… so I have a hell of a time trying to figure out where sounds are coming from. When I spun around (in almost a complete circle…) I spotted H, who was laughing so hard he was having trouble breathing. I punched his arm as I passed him on my way into the house. I may have also called him some bad names…. I can’t really remember.

As if the whole “having the bejesus scared out of you” wasn’t enough, I found out once I entered their house that I had suffered from a MAJOR wardrobe malfunction.

Like. MAJOR MAJOR malfunction.

DS was the first to notice. She turned to look at me as I came inside, glanced down at my chest and her eyes almost popped out of her head. So of course… I had to look down to make sure I didn’t have like a bug or some other offensive creature on me. That’s when I noticed the breeze. The outfit I was wearing last night was this totally cute button up dress. SOMEHOW during the scare I had outside, the top half of my dress had come unbuttoned. That’s right. HALF OF MY DRESS CAME UNDONE.

My bra and the parts of my chest not covered by my bra were on full display. Thank lawd I was wearing a cute bra at least, but oh man… I’ve never rebuttoned buttons so fast in my life. Luckily H didn’t manage to see anything (he was walking in the house behind me) and neither did the other guys that live in their house ( C – one of H’s younger brothers, DN – their roommate, and J – DS’s brother).

I was teased for the remaining part of the night about my malfunction and the scream + twirl I did.

“Be careful! Don’t scare Callie… her dress might come off! ”


The two things I learned from last night:

  1. ALWAYS assume that H is hiding somewhere and is hoping to scare me to death.
  2. Never wear that button up dress to their house again. Ever.

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